Lifestyle
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3 Times We’ve All Almost Crapped Our Pants In Public
3., 2., 1. Literally any time you’re at someone else’s house. Like every time. Why do you even leave the house, let alone for a dinner party. You know how you get. How’s that plate of cheese sitting now? Not well. You’re looking at your phone trying to figure out how long before you can […] More
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Trump Organization Releases New Cologne: Hot Garbage
From the fairways of southern Florida to the halls of the Whitehouse, now you too an smell just like a Trump. Hot Garbage, the new scent from Trump International captures the essence of the entire Trump family in one, nauseating aroma. Unbutton your sport coat and bask in the medley of Aqua Velva and Drakkar Noir mixed with a […] More
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Where Are They Now: Things You’ve Misplaced Over The Past 20 Years
We all misplace things. Keys, clothes, trust. But what ever happened to those things after all this time? We investigated and the results will shock you to your core. That grey hoodie you had in college Remember? It was so soft. Like it was literally the best hoodie ever and you lost it. Major bummer. […] More
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Your Buddy Has Obviously Signed Up For One Of Those Clothing Subscriptions
Lovingly referred to as “Sweatshirt Dave” by his closest friends, David Sanders has been looking a bit different lately. His best friend Kevin noticed the change almost immediately. “Plaid shirts? Cardigan sweaters? Corduroy pants? I knew something was going on.” Something was indeed going on: Monthly deliveries of clothing from one of those online subscription […] More
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This Woman Is “Officially Done With 2016”
With more than two weeks left in 2016, one woman has had enough. 32 year old Sarah Graham today has officially announced that she is “done with 2016”. “I’ve had it. Seriously. I am done with this year.” Initially brushed off as a joke, those close to Sarah began having serious concerns when they received […] More
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Brand New Essential Oils You Didn’t Even Know You Needed
For thousands of years, people around the world have used the power of essential oils to achieve emotional, physical, and spiritual wellness. Well put away that Lavender and throw that Thieves oil on the fucking ground, because these are the all new essentials oils dropping in 2017. Knowing When To Shut Up® What could be […] More
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WOW: This Man Doesn’t Care What’s On His Starbucks Cup
It’s just another Tuesday for Dale Perkins. On his way to work as usual, he decided to stop into his local Starbucks for a morning latte. Having not been in a few weeks, Dale hadn’t seen the new holiday cups that Starbucks had put out. The cup that has once again stirred up more than just milk foam. When someone mentioned the […] More
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Poll: Traveling For The Holidays Is Going To Be A Pain In The Ass
A new poll conducted by research firm Howe & Wise has confirmed our worst suspicions surrounding the 2016 holiday season: It’s going to be a huge pain. The traveling. The people. The unfamiliar bathrooms. Sound awful to you? You’re not alone. According to the poll, 97% of Americans said this holiday season is going to […] More
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Dad Turns Dinner At Applebee’s Into Personal Open Mic Night
It’s a Wednesday night, and your parents want to go out to dinner. “Let’s go to Applebee’s” suggests your dad. “Sure” you say, foolishly forgetting all of your previous trips out to eat with your father. You arrive at the door and the hostess greets you. “How many in your party?” “This is a party? Where are […] More
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Local Man Named Chris Columbus Is “Sick Of The Jokes”
What started out as some gentle ribbing back in grade school has finally come to a boiling point for one local man. Chris Columbus, age 32, says he has had enough of all the jokes about his name. “I’m just sick of the jokes. Like I get it. My name is Christopher Columbus, but I’m […] More
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Don’t Forget: You’re not a real mom until you get the mom haircut
Ok, you’re pregnant. But when do you really become a mom? A new mom-to-be (Brie Larson) learns about “the cut,” the haircut that all moms (Cecily Strong, Vanessa Bayer, Aidy Bryant, Sasheer Zamata, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones) eventually get. “No one wants the cut. The cut chooses you.” More
