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Trump Hires 90’s Music Icon Shaggy As New Communications Director
In an attempt to deflect negative criticism as well as answer to some very serious allegations, President Trump has hired 90’s pop icon Shaggy as his new Communications Director. Best known for his… uh.. it’s not like reggae or rap really, but it’s.. whatever. You know, Shaggy. Look I’m not really into writing this now […] More
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President Trump Tries To Do His Best Alec Baldwin Impression
Taking his feud with Alec Baldwin to new levels, President Donald Trump today came out for a rare personal appearance in order to roast the actor who portrays him on SNL. “Alec Baldwin’s poor impression of me is not great. I am great, so I know great.” said Trump. The President went on to ask […] More
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Hard To Watch: Man Tries To Peel A Green Banana
It started out like any other Friday. Sam Bleeker had just finished up a call at work and decided to take a quick snack break. However, a cruel twist of fate was about to rock Sam’s entire world. His usual mid-morning donut was nowhere to be found and Sam was left with nothing but a […] More
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President Trump Announces Mandatory Dial-Up Internet Access To Slow Criticism
In yet another attempt to quell the ongoing criticism of his actions as President, Donald Trump has announced his latest measure to quiet the storm of backlash: Dial-up Internet. As of Friday, All Americans will be mailed a 3.5″ floppy disk with setup instructions for what Trump is Calling “America Online”. All citizens will need to […] More
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Gargamel Announces Political Ambitions, Americans Too Tired To Care
Fictional cartoon villain Gargamel has announced his plans to seek a soon to be open State Senate seat in Upstate New York. An evil wizard and the sworn enemy of the Smurfs, Gargamel has expressed serious interest in politics since watching Donald Trump win the presidency of the United States. According to a top aide, the […] More
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Taking The Elf Off The Shelf: What Santa’s Little Snitch Can Do For You
Elf on the Shelf is a popular plush toy that sits on your mantle, “watching” your kids. Children know that they need to be on their best behavior, because the elf reports directly to Santa. Now you can utilize this powerful Orwellian tool in other aspects of your life! Here are some alternate uses for […] More
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The Price Is Wrong: Contestant Calls Bullshit On “Actual Retail Price”
Dale Wimbley waited his entire life for a chance to grace the stage of The Price is Right. Years of carefully comparing prices and bargain shopping has made Dale something of a “Price Expert”. However one faithful day, Dale’s dream of appearing on the Price is Right quickly turned into a nightmare. After waiting in […] More
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Happening Now: Trump Announces New Cabinet
With rumors and speculation running wild, President-Elect Donald Trump has finally announced his new cabinet. “It gives me great pleasure to announce I have selected this beautiful, narrow credenza featuring iron scroll details.” The pick comes as a shock to both the media, as well as those close to Trump. Advisor Kelly Anne Conway says while […] More
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Woman Files For Divorce After Realizing Husband Is A Virgo
“Regret and disappointment.” Those are the two words Mary Stevens used to describe her pending divorce from husband John. Having only been married for 3 months, Mary was blissfully unaware of a major issue that would bring her marriage to a screeching halt. Never paying much attention to astrology in the past, Mary recently began reading her horoscope […] More
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Dad Turns Dinner At Applebee’s Into Personal Open Mic Night
It’s a Wednesday night, and your parents want to go out to dinner. “Let’s go to Applebee’s” suggests your dad. “Sure” you say, foolishly forgetting all of your previous trips out to eat with your father. You arrive at the door and the hostess greets you. “How many in your party?” “This is a party? Where are […] More
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Man Wears Trump Hat Ironically, Turns Disastrous
It was an unseasonably warm October night. John Sculder and his friends were on their way out to a grab a few beers. Known for being a “class clown” back in high school, John thought the “TRUMP” hat that he purchased ironically at a local gas station would get a big laugh. Boy was he wrong. […] More
