Election 2016: Write-In Candidates who Deserve Your Vote

If you’re like most people, you’re tired of all the same old candidates.

The same old rhetoric. The same old campaign promises. The same old toupees and spray tans.

We thought we’d throw together a list of names that would be more than qualified to be President of the United States. The only thing they need is your write-in vote on election day.

Chris Rock (D)

Chris Rock in HEAD OF STATE.
Chris Rock in HEAD OF STATE.

You remember Head of State. You know, the 2003 movie where Chris Rock gets to be president.

If you haven’t seen it, it’s more than ok. It wasn’t good. But it shows that he has the experience to lead. So that’s one reason.

Second, the way he makes fun of white people and lets white people laugh at stuff that only black people really understand. He can unite voters.

Third: How he handles a crisis. The comedian was recently tasked with hosting The Oscars, a show that took tons of racial heat from the #OscarsSoWhite story.

However like a true leader, Rock handled it with class. Even when Stacey Dash came out and it was super awkward. He stood tall and delivered.

Cobra Commander (R)

IMG_1316_2SMHaving spent over two decades as supreme leader of the terrorist organization Cobra, and as the principal antagonist of the G.I. Joes, Cobra Commander would make an excellent GOP write-in.

A fanatical leader who demands total loyalty and allegiance, Cobra Commander truly believes he can carry America into the next decade and beyond. He has said in the past that he not only processes the leadership this country needs, but has the skills necessary to Make America hate again.

“My loyal subordinates could testify to my superb stewardship of Cobra. But you don’t have the courage to let them speak!”

– G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)

What about his policies? Does this political outsider have any real plans for fixing our struggling economy? You bet he does. In fact, Cobra Commander released an in-depth plan back in the eighties:

The Dude (I)


Running on the Independent line, his dudeness is currently unemployed and is totally free to run the country. While many may question his readiness and ability to lead, few will deny how hilarious this would be.

The Whitehouse already has a bowling ally, which is good, because The Dude likes to bowl.

Also, it’s not as if he’ll be coming to the oval office empty handed. The Dude has a rug that really “ties the room together”. He has also shown he will go to great lengths to protect what is his. All great qualities for the next commander in chief.

Your Dad

Smiling senior man and his son in background

Think about it. What’s a President other than an older guy who does a bunch of stuff you don’t understand and will never really be proud of you?

Who would you write-in for president? Tell us below in the comments or hit us up on the Twitter @kipzio