Brand New Essential Oils You Didn’t Even Know You Needed

For thousands of years, people around the world have used the power of essential oils to achieve emotional, physical, and spiritual wellness.

Well put away that Lavender and throw that Thieves oil on the fucking ground, because these are the all new essentials oils dropping in 2017.

Knowing When To Shut Up®

What could be more essential than knowing when to shut up? We’ve managed to bottle it up, like you should do with your political opinions at office holiday parties and family gatherings.


Sure, there are plenty of relaxation and stress relieving oils, but what if things get a little too calm? Add just a few drops of Anxiety® and turn any normal situation into a shit show.

Oil of Ole’®

It’s salsa juice. Plain and simple.

New Apple®

Why spend $1999 on a brand new laptop? Our scientists have isolated that “New MacBook smell” and now it can be yours. Friends and family alike will walk into your home and immediately feel like you’re kind of an asshole.


Why not sell essential oils yourself? You’ll probably make hundreds of dollars! Simply tell all your friends about how you’re selling this brand new essential oil and you’ll have them saying “Nah-im-good” in no time!

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