Real Quick: Can You Teach This Man How To Peel A Kiwi?

He knows many things. Kiwi Peeling Isn’t one of them.

Meet James.

James is a 34 year old male from Upstate New York. He graduated college with a degree in business administration. He has won several awards for his work. James is smart.

There’s just one thing: He doesn’t know how to peel a kiwi.

Could you maybe explain it quick? It would really mean a lot.

Ok here he comes…

James: Excuse me.

You: Yes?

James: This is going to sound stupid, but can you tell me how to peel a kiwi?

You: Sure! You start by… well… damn I guess I’m not sure.

James: Oh. Hmm. Maybe we can figure it out together.

You: Ok!

You and James find a picnic table outside. James pull out a paring knife, which normally you would think was really weird, but today you just go with it.

James: Do we cut off the top?

You: Yes that seems like a pretty basic fruit thing.

James cuts the top and bottom of the kiwi.

James: Ok. Now what?

You: Maybe try to get between the skin and fruit with the knife. Like peeling a potato.

James tries, but makes a mess and slices his finger in the process.

You: Ok. That’s not right. Can you peel it like an orange?

James tries to peel the hairy skin away from the kiwi, but with little success. Pieces of the furry outside are now sticking to James’ bloody finger. You try not to make a big deal out of it though.

You: Nope. Maybe it’s like an apple and you can just eat it as is?

James takes a bite of the now mangled and bloody fruit. It’s not good.

James: [spitting out the vile, bitter skin] Yuck! That’s not right either.

James takes his knife and cuts down the sides, leaving the center of the fruit looking like a green stop sign. After all his hard work and effort, James nets only one edible slice.

James: Here. You should have it.

You look down at the blood covered foreign fruit, wondering how the hell you ended up here. Not wanting to be rude, you take the kiwi.

You: Wow. I forgot how good Kiwi is.

James: Right? It’s almost worth the effort! Ha!

You laugh and laugh for what others in the park later refer to as “a creepy amount of time”. Just then you hear a familiar voice behind you. It’s your friend John calling your name.

John: What the hell are you doing?

You: I’m just sitting here eating some Kiwi with my new fr..

As you turn back to the table, you see there is no one else. It’s been just you this entire time. You look down at your hands which are covered in sticky fruit juice and blood.

You: Hey John. Quick question. How the hell do you peel a kiwi?

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