Dad Turns Dinner At Applebee’s Into Personal Open Mic Night

You really should know better by now. It’s just who he is.

It’s a Wednesday night, and your parents want to go out to dinner.

“Let’s go to Applebee’s” suggests your dad.

“Sure” you say, foolishly forgetting all of your previous trips out to eat with your father.

You arrive at the door and the hostess greets you. “How many in your party?”

“This is a party? Where are the balloons?” quips dad without hesitation. The hostess smiles and shows you to a booth.

A moment later, the waitress approaches the table. “Hi Folks, I’m Amanda and I’ll be your waitress.

To which your dad responds “Hi Amanda, we’ll be your customers.”

The waitress forces a smile and takes your drink order. “Let me go grab these drinks and I’ll be right back.”

“We’ll wait here.” says your dad, never missing an opportunity.

He then proceeds to read the menu aloud as if it’s a list of comedians at a celebrity roast.

“What do we have here? Does anyone want to share some of my chips and dip? Wait you can’t, their nachos!”

A dad at another table chuckles.

After a few minutes, your server returns with drinks in hand. Maybe that will help make this more bearable.

“You had the Pepsi sir?” she asks your dad.

“Well I haven’t actually had it yet!”

She sets the drinks down and walks away again, returning a moment later looking like she just took a shot.

“Ok, what can I get you folks?” she says optimistically, hoping that she can just do her job.

“Why don’t you tell us what you CAN’T get us first! Just kidding. I’ll have the steak.” Your dad knows not to waste time when it comes to getting his meal.

The rest of you order without incident, because you are normal people.

Your meals arrive a short time later, along with another gem from your dad about his steak. “I ordered medium rare but the presentation is really well done.”

The waitress, who has three other tables, turns and walks away.

You just shake your head and dive into your Honey BBQ Chicken Three Cheese Macaroni. It’s delicious.

As everyone finishes up, the waitress returns.

“Can I get you folks anything else?” she asks timidly.

“Nope. Just the check please.” You dad is full now and therefore too sleepy to make jokes.

You make the obligatory fake reach for your wallet just slow enough for your dad to say “Don’t worry about it.”

Then you suddenly remember, this is why you go out to dinner with your parents.


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