Your Cousin Just Became A Pampered Chef Consultant. How Long Can You Avoid Her?

Just buy the cutting board. Everyone needs a cutting board.

The holidays are almost upon us which can only mean one thing: You’re going to have to see some extended family in the not-so-distant future.

But wait… what’s this? It says on Facebook that your cousin Ashley is now a Pampered Chef Consultant. Oh sweet Jesus.

You know she’s going to bring one of those catalogs and everyone will have to order something.

Ok, stay calm. You can do this. You just have to avoid her for a few hours. How hard could that be? You only see her once a year anyway.

The day before your annual family gathering, you get an email. It’s from Ashley.

“Hey Guys! Not sure if you all know, but I just became a Pampered Chef Consultant (Yay!). I thought it was about time to do something new and fun so here we are! Below is a link to my products. Take a look and let me know if you have any questions. Thanks!!”

Ugh. It starts already. Maybe this means she won’t be pestering everyone tomorrow.

As you arrive at your Grandma’s house the next day, you’re greeted by your cousin Matt.

“Dude. Whatever you do, steer clear of Ashley. She’s selling some-”

“I know Matt. I already know.”

You walk into the living room only to see everyone is sitting there, passing around a catalog.

It’s ok, you can just go to the kitchen and avoid all that. But oh no! ASHLEY IS IN THE KITCHEN. She is showing your aunt Cheryl some kind of deviled egg transporter. Who is transporting deviled eggs on the regular??

You make eye contact with Ashley who immediately lights up seeing the possibility of another prospect.

You turn and run. You dart left into you grandfather’s study closing the door behind you. That was close. You turn around and see someone sitting in a chair.

“Oh Hi!” says a voice you immediately recognize. It’s your aunt Vicky.

“Hey Aunt Vicky. I was just-” you stop mid-sentence as you begin to smell something new but familiar. Is that… Lavender?

“It’s Lavender Sunrise. It’s one of the new essential oils I’ve been using. Do you know about essential oils?”

You kick open the door and run.

You make it safely back to the living room just in time to see your mom filling out an order form. You try to get her attention, but alas, it’s too late.

“Hey!” she beckons you over. “Didn’t you say you needed a new ice cream scoop?”

Realizing you’re now stuck, you begrudgingly agree to purchase the “Ice Genie” at the bargain price of $24.95. Sure, a spoon has been good enough for years, but face it – she’s family and you have no choice.

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