Local Man Named Chris Columbus Is “Sick Of The Jokes”

Seriously, he has heard them all.

What started out as some gentle ribbing back in grade school has finally come to a boiling point for one local man.

Chris Columbus, age 32, says he has had enough of all the jokes about his name.

“I’m just sick of the jokes. Like I get it. My name is Christopher Columbus, but I’m just a guy trying to live his life.”

Columbus says he used to laugh too, but at this point he is ready to be taken seriously. “Just the other day I went in for a job interview at a marketing company. Their first question was ‘Are you comfortable with sails?’ Then they just laughed. The VP made a paper hat out of my resume. It was really embarrassing.”

While the ridicule lasts all year long, there is one day when Chris can actually make a few dollars. You guessed it, Columbus Day.

“Car dealerships, furniture stores. They’re all calling me in October. Asking if I’ll do their commercial or come in and wear a silly costume. The money isn’t bad so I usually do whatever, but it’s really insulting.”

If there’s one person who knows how it feels, it’s Chris’ best friend Abe Lincoln.

Abe says he too has had it rough. “My mom says she thought it would make people respect me more having the name of a president, but all it did was win me class president in 5th grade. Since then it has all just been bad jokes and people taking pictures of my drivers license.”

Even the simplest of things can set people off “God forbid either of us wear a hat.”

With legal options to change their names costing hundreds of dollars, both young men have decided to just carry on.

“Sometimes girls will talk to us just so they can take a picture, but we are cool with that.”

Cool indeed, fellas. Cool indeed.

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