Woman Files For Divorce After Realizing Husband Is A Virgo

“Our planets aren’t aligned. I only wish I knew sooner.”

“Regret and disappointment.”

Those are the two words Mary Stevens used to describe her pending divorce from husband John.

Having only been married for 3 months, Mary was blissfully unaware of a major issue that would bring her marriage to a screeching halt.

Never paying much attention to astrology in the past, Mary recently began reading her horoscope in the Sunday paper.

“After a few weeks, it became clear that there was a problem. Our planets aren’t aligned. Our signs are in conflict. It’s really bad. I only wish I knew sooner.” said Mary.

John, who is the assistant manager at a local gym, says he is completely baffled by the turn of events.

“Everything was great. We had an amazing wedding and the honeymoon was incredible. But something changed when we got back. She started reading those damn horoscopes. After that it was crystals and charts. At this point our dining room looks like a gypsy camp.” John sighed.

When asked what other issues caused this marital breakdown, Mary said there isn’t any.

“That’s the hardest part” said Mary. “We are so happy and John is an amazing husband, but after all I’ve read in the past few weeks about orbital equinoxes and the mercury being in retrograde, I really don’t have much of a choice.”

As for John, he’s trying to be as supportive as he can be.

“Last week I replaced her fortune cookie with one that said ‘Your marriage is completely fine.’ Honestly, I think that may have bought me some time.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *